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Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The band of potty training toddlers is called Rage Against the Latrine.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Someone complimented my parking today!
They left me a sweet note on my windshield that said "parking fine."
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
How does a programmer catch the easter bunny?
With an ethernet.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
In communist China, Minecraft is called Ourcraft.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I asked my friend Nick if I could borrow 5 cents, but alas, he was Nicholas.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
My son hit me with an insect-shaped cookie sheet.
He bee-trayed me.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The best prison for a skeleton is the rib cage.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
What do you call a rooster staring at some lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad!
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I don't like cocaine jokes. But once in awhile I snort at one liners.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
If you remove the consonants from Celine Dion, you end up with Old MacDonald Had a Farm.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
If you have a cow and two ducks, you've got milk and quackers.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I accidentally deleted the manuscript for my book, "Ten Ways to Cure Itching".
I'll have to start from scratch.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The vegetable that uses the phone the most is the call-iflower
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
the country with the most bad singers is Singapore.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Bach couldn't afford his rent, because he was baroque.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I wanted to get into archery, but there were too many drawbacks.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Every person who confuses correlation with causation ends up dead.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The burglar who fell into the cement mixer was a hardened criminal afterwards.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
A new plastic is being made out of lemons and tea leaves.
It's called Arnold Polymer.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Why do math nerds get Halloween and Christmas confused?
Because oct 31 = dec 25